What I learned from 75 Acts of Kindness

A little about me

Prior to 2023, I spent 27 years hiding my limb difference – a little-known congenital anomaly known as hypoplasia and syndactyly (i.e., missing fingers and thumb on my right hand) – following a series of negative experiences when I was young. This developed into a behavioural cycle of perfectionism, procrastination, social anxiety, imposter syndrome and low self-esteem.

For those 27 years, I lived an inauthentic life and missed out on many opportunities for happiness by not being present in the moment or in alignment with my values or strengths; significantly impacting my wellbeing (Seligman, 2004).

The catalyst for change arrived when my son, Noah, was born and later diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. I wanted to set a good example and so embarked on a personal transformation to ‘unhide’ my disability across a series of physical, emotional and psychological challenges. This helped to align with my values and strengths, and so began a life truly worth living (Boniwell and Tunariu, 2019).

This also created a powerful intrinsic motivation for me to apply Positive Psychology to my own development and create The Happiness Alchemist: a human-centred approach to guiding individuals and teams towards greater fulfilment and success.

About this study

For my first experiment, I completed 75 different Acts of Kindness over 28 Days – impacting 207 people directly, 579 indirectly, and reaching almost 16k people overall in the wider community.

These results were positively influenced by the range of kindness activities I undertook and also negatively influenced by the impact of simultaneously going through a 45-day consultation period as part of a redundancy process.

I thoroughly engaged in this exercise and embraced all my feelings honestly, both pleasurable and uncomfortable, which has been crucial to my development towards being a Coach and Positive Psychology Practitioner.

So, what IS Positive Psychology?

Positive Psychology, according to Boniwell and Tunariu (2019), is the study of what makes individuals and communities flourish rather than languish and covers happiness, optimism, subjective well-being and personal growth. Boniwell and Tunariu (2019) go further and believe it is the Scientific Study of Optimal Human Functioning as well as what makes life worth living, which is advocated by Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi (2000). Alternatively, Fredrickson (2011), holds the view that positivity simply doesn’t just reflect success and health, it also produces it.

Fredrickson’s (2011) major criticism of Positive Psychology is the overemphasis on positivity. They argue that it neglects the importance of negative emotions and challenges in human development. Seligman (1999) goes further and highlights the limitations of some areas of research in terms of sample size, methodology, and generalisability of findings; sometimes oversimplifying complex human experiences and emotions.

I recognised Cooperrider and Godwin’s (2011) view that 80% of energy is spent on fixing what isn’t working and only 20% capitalising on what is working well. As I was born with a physical limb difference, the focus of consultants, teachers, and employers had predominantly been on what I couldn’t do rather than on what I could do.

What are Positive Psychology Interventions?

Sin and Lyubomirsky (2009, p467) define Positive Psychology Interventions (PPIs) as intentional activities, which aim to cultivate positive feelings, behaviours or cognitions. Additionally, they highlight what a PPI isn’t, “...interventions, or treatments aimed at fixing, remedying, or healing something that is pathological or deficient - as opposed to building strengths - do not fit the definition of a PPI.”

Alternatively, Van Agteren (2021) argues that the impact on mental wellbeing in general should be the primary aim of PPIs, with a secondary focus being to explore outcomes of hedonic and eudaimonic well-being.

Layous and Lyubomirsky (2013, p.26) argue that PPIs are more effective when they are a ‘good fit’ with the person applying them. They suggest that, “...the greatest gains in well-being from practicing positive activities will emerge when the specific intervention format matches the individual preferences or characteristics of the person.”

By undertaking a Personal Activity Fit assessment, I scored significantly higher on Practicing Acts of Kindness (3.5) and Engaging in Flow Experience (2.83) with Practicing Religion and Spirituality (-2.5) and Avoid Social Thinking and Social Comparison (-1.83) scoring particularly low.

Personal Activity Fit Scores

I initially explored Three Good Things (Seligman et al., 2005), which is widely researched and entails writing three positive events each day to cultivate gratitude and positive emotions. Another PPI considered was Best Possible Self (King, 2001), which involved visualising one's ideal self in the future; enhancing motivation, self-esteem, and goal attainment.

I also considered my personal values (Layous and Lyubomirsky, 2013), which focused on: Making a Difference; Acting with Honesty, Integrity, and Trust; Being Creative; and Working with Like-Minded People.

Overall, I recognised that Acts of Kindness would work well in alignment with my values to foster social connection, increase happiness, and promote a sense of purpose (Lyubomirsky, Sheldon and Schkade, 2005).

How do Acts of Kindness work?

A more traditional view of Acts of Kindness, according to Lyubomirsky, Sheldon and Schkade (2005), is that it is a PPI that simply involves performing kind acts for others. They also recognise the role that genetics play in an individual’s happiness – although it’s not the sole determinant of happiness – and note that life events and circumstances have limited and temporary effects on happiness.

Alternatively, Ko et. al’s (2021) study investigates the effects of performing and recalling Acts of Kindness on well-being. All groups who performed and/or recalled Acts of Kindness showed increased well-being with no significant differences versus recalling kindness or doing both. Additionally, the positive effects of performing and recalling kindness persisted for at least 24 hours. Ko et. al’s (2021) study argues that recalling past Acts of Kindness can be just as effective, and simpler, to improve well-being compared to performing new acts.

Echelbarger and Epley (2023) believe that people consistently underestimate the positive impact that their prosocial actions have on recipients, which may cause barriers to social connection. They highlight that this underestimation is present in both children and adults, suggesting it emerges early in development.

Further to this, according to Trew and Alden (2015), engaging in Acts of Kindness can significantly reduce social avoidance goals in socially anxious individuals. They highlight that reducing state-level social anxiety is a key mechanism through which kindness interventions decrease social avoidance goals; countering negative social expectations and reducing perceived threats - leading to less anxiety.

Cregg and Cheavens (2023) advocate this and also suggest that kindness interventions may be more effective than traditional Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. However, they also go on to highlight that self-focused attention may mediate the effects of Acts of Kindness.

Further to this, Rowland and Curry (2019) argue that performing Acts of Kindness can significantly increase happiness. Their research also indicates that the effects of kindness on happiness is not limited to specific types of recipients (strong ties, weak ties, self or observations).

This is supported by Otake et al. (2006) who infer that kindness is associated with increased subjective happiness, and that happy people are more likely to perform and recognise Acts of Kindness. They also suggest that counting kindnesses can be an effective intervention to boost happiness through mechanisms like gratitude and optimism.

Finally, Curry et al. (2018) suggest that there is a positive relationship between kindness and well-being. They argue that performing Acts of Kindness increases subjective well-being; however, the effect of kindness on well-being is small-to-medium in size. According to Curry et al. (2018), kindness stems from evolved psychological altruistic mechanisms, which motivate people to help others in different contexts.

What was my approach?

From the outset, I considered a wide variety of Acts of Kindness to increase my happiness (Rowland and Curry, 2019), whilst also testing whether the impacts lasted longer than 24-hours (Ko et al., 2021). I also observed the correlation between altruistic activities and their direct impact on wellbeing (Curry et al., 2018).

Despite being apprehensive (Echelbarger and Epley, 2023), I committed to sharing my journey online via LinkedIn to understand the wider impacts.

I also increased the frequency of Acts of Kindness to 3 per-day to consider Otake et al.’s (2006) theory that more kindnesses lead to increased happiness. Overall, I undertook 75 Acts of Kindness over a 28-day period.

To gain confidence, I chose several predetermined Acts of Kindness (Lyubomirsky, Sheldon and Schkade, 2005), such as expressing gratitude to a range of people, with a view to improving my social connection (Haydon et al., 2002) and life satisfaction (Cregg and Cheavens, 2023). I also observed the impact on my social anxiety too (Trew and Alden, 2015).

To understand ‘what good looks like’, I collated both qualitative and quantitative data and produced a ‘daily-diary’, particularly focusing on the Positive Psychology concepts of gratitude, altruism, flow, character strengths, hope, optimism, resilience and post-traumatic-growth (Seligman, 2000).

To evaluate the effectiveness of each activity, the I collated further data on my mood, emotions, overall wellbeing, happiness, life satisfaction, stress and social connection (Boniwell & Tunariu, 2019). For each of these measures, I produced a scoring mechanism and documented my results each day.

I also considered hedonistic and eudaimonic-based activities as well as factoring in limitations due to subjectivity, sample size, potential for bias and generalisability (Seligman, 2004).

What Acts of Kindness did I do?

I undertook 75 Acts of Kindness linked to gratitude, altruism, flow, character strengths, hope, optimism and resilience. Within this section, I’ll highlight specific examples of each concept and reflect on their use and feasibility.

Gratitude

Focusing initially on gratitude, which is an appreciation to and for the good things in life - both big and small (Ahrens and Forbes, 2014; Emmons, 2019) – I showed appreciation to Jen, my line-manager within Macmillan Cancer Support. Jen received this feedback kindly and went on to ‘pay-it-forward’ by donating to another charity close to my heart called REACH. I wasn't expecting this, which created a positive affect that increased my wellbeing and social connection as a result. Another example happened when I appreciated Ebbe for their generous sharing of information over a decade prior. However, a negative affect, which I hadn’t anticipated, was that this exercise may have pressured Ebbe to highlight that they hadn’t finished their PhD, which was the source of an ‘existential wound’ for them.

Altruism

In terms of altruism, the genuine desire to help others without expecting anything in return (Seligman, 2004), I surprised my son’s former teaching assistant, Kizzy, with a gift. Following this, Kizzy showed a huge uplift in positive emotions and mood; positively impacting others too. This created a positive affect and boosted my own emotions and social connection for up to 3-days afterwards. This was particularly impactful as it helped to get me through an intense period on a personal level. Kizzy then, unexpectedly, provided my son with a surprise birthday present a few weeks later.

Flow

Considering flow, a state of complete immersion and engagement in an activity (Csikszentmihalyi, 1992), I lost track of time talking to my son about their emotions. This occurred when I observed Noah offer a toy to their friend who was also autistic. This initially had a positive affect on me as it was an unexpected thing for Noah to do. However, later on, Noah became distressed. Time passed-by quickly as we talked this through and Noah explained that it had ‘hurt his heart’ to give their toy to his friend. I realised that I’d got it wrong as Noah had a negative affect from this particular Act of Kindness. This was both really sad and fascinating, which had an interesting impact on my personal happiness and wellbeing as I recognised that this could be a learning opportunity for the both of us.

Character Strengths

For character strengths, the idea of focusing on strengths as opposed to weaknesses (Green and Palmer, 2019; Niemiec, 2017), I used my strength of kindness to give my Newcastle United ticket away to a friend. I felt an immediate positive affect for doing this; however, my inauthenticity (Sheldon, 2009) created a negative affect as I hadn’t mentioned that I was still feeling the after effects of CoVID.

Hope

Factoring in hope, an optimistic belief in the future and the ability to achieve goals (Snyder, 2002), I shared knowledge about Positive Psychology and broke the information down into an easily digestible format for both myself and others to use. This had an interesting outcome, as although I was sharing information about the ‘Science of Happiness’, it didn’t have a positive affect on my wellbeing, resilience or goal attainment (Boniwell & Tunariu, 2019). Instead, I felt anxious as people didn’t particularly engage with it. However, I also recognised that this was likely to do with my own social anxiety rather than the Act of Kindness itself (Trew and Alden, 2015).

Optimism

Considering optimism, a general expectation that good things will happen and bad things will not (Seligman, 2004), I greeted strangers on their morning walk with a ‘hello’. There was a risk that the strangers could ignore me altogether, which might have left a negative affect. However, I was optimistic that this wouldn’t occur and experienced a positive uplift in emotions that stayed with me throughout the day as I received enthusiastic smiles and a ‘morning’ from everyone.

Resilience

For resilience – the developable capacity to rebound or bounce back from adversity, conflict and failure (Luthans et al., 2006) – I took time to be quiet and silence my thoughts whilst going through a redundancy process. A further example occurred when I hid surprise gifts around my local shopping centre. This act was extremely helpful and stayed with me in the lead up to an interview, helping me to feel calm, light and composed (Ko et al., 2021).

Considering Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG), the personal growth that occurs in individuals who have experienced traumatic events (Tedeschi and Calhoun, 1995), I showed self-compassion following recent redundancy announcements. By taking just a little time to think about what I had done right recently, it had a positive affect on my well-being. Another example happened when I explained how I had gone to tribunal to place Noah in an Autism Specialist School after the trauma they had experienced within a mainstream school. Noah was now an entirely different boy with lots of friends and a sense of belonging. On reflection, this had a huge positive affect on me as we both had never been so happy.

What were my findings?

Like Haydon et al. (2002), I found that by performing Acts of Kindness it increased feelings of social connection. However, I identified that self-kindness didn’t always improve my well-being. The limitation here is that Haydon et al.’s (2022) study focused specifically on breast cancer survivors, so further research is needed to generalise wider.

Additionally, I advocate Ko et al.’s (2021) belief that positive effects of performing and recalling kindness persist for at least 24 hours. I recognised that the more of my activities that were aligned with my values the longer the positive affect lasted. Additionally, I support Curry et al.’s (2018) view that altruism has a direct impact on wellbeing, particularly when I surprised Noah’s Support Teacher, Kizzy, with a gift; providing a positive affect for 3-days.

I also agree with Otake et al. (2006) that counting kindnesses came with an unexpected happiness boost and positively influenced my feelings of optimism in relation to social relationships and personal resources. In addition, I support Cregg and Cheavens (2023) study as my feeling of social connection has never been higher. This is down to my Acts of Kindness being able to have wider positive impacts on 207 people directly, 579 people indirectly via LinkedIn interactions and also positively influencing another 16k people through LinkedIn impressions.

However, I couldn’t agree that Acts of Kindness directly influenced my own feeling of life satisfaction. I acknowledge that this is likely to be a result of my extenuating circumstances. I also disagree with Rowland and Curry (2019) that the effects of kindness on happiness is not limited to specific types of recipients. I experienced significantly more positive affect when there were strong ties with recipients, whether that was to an individual or an organisation.

Further to this, I agree with Rowland and Curry (2019), who believe that observing Acts of Kindness can also have a positive impact on happiness. I experienced this when observing my son, Noah, give his toy to his Autistic friend who was severely upset. I also agree with Echelbarger and Epley’s (2023) suggestion that people underestimate their positive impact. An example here is that I was initially apprehensive before starting my Acts of Kindness experiment.

In addition, I advocate Trew and Alden’s (2015) suggestion that reducing state-level social anxiety is a key mechanism through which kindness interventions decrease social avoidance goals. My social anxiety significantly improved during the Acts of Kindness experiment, with a particular example being that of when I was due to have an interview at short notice.

Conclusions

Throughout the Acts of Kindness exercise, having happiness as a goal and pursuing it through intentional activities, like gratitude and altruism (Seligman, 2000), has had a positive impact on me as an individual as well as my family and community (Lyubomirsky, Sheldon and Schkade, 2005).

Recalling past Acts of Kindness has been just as effective as performing new acts in improving well-being too, which is easier and less time-consuming than performing new acts (Ko et. al, 2021). Kindness interventions have been effective in increasing my well-being; highlighting that the relationship between kindness and happiness is reciprocal (Otake et. al., 2006; Rowland and Curry, 2019).

I agree with Cregg and Cheavens (2023), as well as Trew and Alden (2015), that Acts of Kindness is a valuable intervention for individuals with anxiety or depression symptoms, which was particularly effective for improving my social connection; providing unique and rewarding experiences that went beyond hedonic pleasure (Regan et al., 2023).

Future research should explore the nuances of the effects of kindness on happiness (Rowland and Curry, 2019), as well as interventions aimed at improving social cognition, to help people understand the true impact of their kindness and encourage them to connect with others more often (Echelbarger and Epley, 2023).

Overemphasising positivity and neglecting the importance of negative emotions in human development as a major criticism of Positive Psychology is something that I recognised (Fredrickson, 2011), as well as the role of social and environmental factors in well-being (Seligman, 1999).

Finally, I identified the interconnection between hope, optimism and resilience and that using my signature strengths led to greater well-being, motivation, and achievement (Seligman and Peterson, 2004).